What Kind Of Hipster Are You?

hipster

What kind of Hispter are you? Take the Quiz!

1. Do you own a plaid shirt?

A) Yes

B) Yes

C) Yes

D) I don’t really believe in owning tactile objects when the vast continuum of space demands that we exist beyond the tangible boundaries that limit our senses, Man

 

2. When you wake up in the morning, what website do you check first?

A) Instagram

B) Gizmodo

C) CNN

D) I don’t own a computer. The radiation leads to thought control, Man

 

3. What would you describe as your hipster aesthetic?

A) I like, really encourage individuality above all things, so most of my clothing comes from Urban Outfitters or old wedding dresses that I’ve repurposed from the Salvation Army. I really am like, into lace right now because it’s just so elegant and I’ve made these really great little hotpants out of some old nana’s wedding veil.

B) Messenger bags. Closets full of messenger bags

C) I do not have a hipster aesthetic. I am not a hipster

D) What’s with all the titles, Man? When the end comes do you think we’ll be giving names to each other in the massive orgy of mutual love and affection brought on to deal with the end of times and destruction of capitalist greed?

 

4. What makes your little hipster heart beat with joy?

A) Mason jars

B) Walking into an Apple store

C) Seriously, I am not a hipster. Why do you keep calling me one?

D) I really like tie-dye, Man

 

5. Your Pandora station is a heavy rotation of…

A) Lana Del Rey

B) Angry techno screeching. It’s German…

C) The Avett Brothers

D) What’s a Pandora station, Man?

 

6. Your signature drink is…

A) OMG I love cocktails

B) PBR

C) Whiskey. I actually don’t like how it tastes, but I look really great when I’m standing at a bar holding a glass of it.

D) Water—it’s the tears of Mother Gaia, Man

 

7. Who is your hipster idol?

A) Yoncé

B) Can we resurrect them from the dead? Steve Jobs or Nikola Tesla

C) I AM NOT A !#*@ING HIPSTER

D) Man, I really dig Peter, Paul and Mary. But idolatry is nothing but a projection of ourselves on those that we would love were we not limited by distance and fear

 

ANSWERS

Mostly A’s: You are a Basic Bitch Hipster

We are many. We are legion. We worship at the altar of Pinterest and really REALLY like Pumpkin Spice Lattes. We’ve also repurposed the term ‘basic bitch’ to fit our gentrification needs, because although we totally care about important issues like class/racial problems, we kind of care more about what filter we should use on that photo we took at brunch…

 

Mostly B’s: You are a Tech Hipster

Props to you—you at least know what you are and aren’t ashamed of it. You love Apple, and Apple products, and unashamedly wear turtleneck sweaters out of a commitment to imitating Steve Jobs in every aspect of your life. New tech releases make your heart sing and nothing makes you more excited than a science article you can tweet to your devoted techie followers.

 

Mostly C’s: In-Denial Hipster

You make me sick. You’re a hipster. You know you are—you have at least one pageboy cap and a closet full of LPs that you insist sound soooooooooooo much better than CDs. While the rest of us accept our hipster status and feel guilt accordingly, you demand that you are unique, separate from the rest, and if that isn’t the definition of ‘hipster’ than I don’t know what is. You order complicated sounding drinks from your barista or bartender that include ingredients like ‘elderflower’ and your dating profile picture is of you taking a selfie in some foreign environment to show what a special snowflake you truly are. Accept it. Embrace it. You like PBR and Netflix and wearing plaid with sweater vests and shopping at Trader Joe’s and ordering soy lattes with only a half-shot of espresso and shopping at Ikea and Instagramming photos of whatever meal you’re about to consume and getting excited anytime Apple has a new release and living in fear of traveling to the South Side and decorating exclusively with mason jars and chevron stripes and taking out your dogeared copy of On the Road just so everyone knows what you’re reading on the train and hanging out in Lincoln Park while complaining about the lack of diversity and insistently stating that you ARE NOT A HIPSTER when you and I both know that your closet is 90% sweater vests and 10% tweed. Once you’ve accepted your hipster status you’ll stop annoying your friends and will be much more enjoyable to be around.

 

Mostly D’s: Hippie

Like, what are you even doing reading this, Man? Where did you find a computer? You know all computers are radioactive thought-control machines intent on the destruction of the human race.

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