4 Reasons Trailers are Better Than Actual Movies

trailersSummer movie season is around the corner, and nowhere is that more obvious than online. Movie trailer after movie trailer has leaked, released, dropped, teased, or otherwise broke the net this month. And if these short-film style adventure trailers have taught us anything, it is that we love the anticipation more than the film itself. So let’s get on board with living in a world where excessively long movie trailers are the superior art form. Here are a few reasons why trailers have made it possible to ditch the box office.

1. Trailers are always the perfect length.
We’ve all been conditioned to digest material in small increments, so why are movies still longer than three minutes? I was eating popcorn when I watched the Superman v Batman teaser, and guess what? I still had a full bowl of popcorn when it was over. Try getting past the opening credits with your snack intact during one of those pesky feature length films. BONUS: Have you ever had to pee in the middle of a movie trailer? I didn’t think so.

2. Movie trailers are literally just all the good parts from any given movie.
So why bother with story development, character arcs, or all those pointless lines between the hooks? No, thank you. I’d much rather have back to back explosions. Case in point, all productions should film for six weeks, but simply release three minutes of really kickass footage. Any horrible movie can have a spectacular trailer with the right amount of footage (reference any Fast and Furious movie).

3. The only thing you really don’t get in a trailer is the ending, but that’s okay!
To be honest, films are better without them. The end of the movie is never what you truly wanted, admit it! We were crushed when Will Smith didn’t survive I Am Legend. We know Leonardo could have floated to safety with Kate. Basically, we don’t want people to die. Hey, guess what?: No one ever dies in a movie trailer!

4. Most importantly, there’s a version for everyone!
There are so many variations of trailers for any given film. Pokemon the internet and try to catch ‘em all. I know what you’re thinking, and yes, some feature films offer alternate endings, but what did I tell you about endings?! Besides, one of these ten trailers was made specifically for you (if you fit into an acceptable subset of the Hollywood social construct)! Are you a single dude in high school? Your trailer will drop first and it most certainly will include clips of white people taking shots, getting laid, and just a hint of side boob. There is most definitely a trailer designed to pull at your heartstrings. And then there is the blatantly millennial trailer with poetic dialogue and clips of the main character ironically being self aware of their own character flaws.

Who needs to go out with friends and interact with other humans at a movie theater to be entertained anymore? I have a microwave and a couch, thank you very much. I’ll be here, binge watching movie trailers, and you will all hear about it on social media.

Jonah Saesan is an actor/director/improvisor in Chicago. He performed in iO’s “Red, White, and Blaine” directed by Jeff Griggs, and performs regularly with his sketch group Other People’s Kids. Follow him on Twitter @JonahSaesan.

Comments

  1. I am forever indebted to you for this inimroatfon.

  2. I’m sorry tht u haven’t been on.. my wifi and Internet has been down.. So I’m gonna try to get on afterschool! & 6 pm tonite and 7:30 am tmrw Pastor Ben?

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